By Andrew Draayer
When I first started in sales, I thought success was all about being aggressive—talking fast, pushing hard, and closing fast. And sure, that might work for a quick win now and then. But over time, I learned something that completely changed how I sell: emotional intelligence (EQ) beats aggression every single time.
In today’s world, people can spot a pushy salesperson a mile away—and most of them will run the other way. But when you lead with empathy, self-awareness, and real connection, you build trust. And trust is what leads to lasting success in sales and business.
What Is Emotional Intelligence, Really?
At its core, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions while also being able to read and respond to other people’s emotions. It’s not about being soft or overly sensitive. It’s about being in tune with people and knowing how to navigate conversations with awareness and respect.
There are five key parts of EQ:
- Self-awareness – knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and triggers.
- Self-regulation – staying calm under pressure and not reacting impulsively.
- Motivation – staying driven without burning out or chasing the wrong things.
- Empathy – understanding what others are feeling and needing.
- Social skills – communicating well, listening deeply, and building relationships.
Aggression Might Win the Battle, But It Loses the War
I’ve seen salespeople come out swinging—loud, forceful, and relentless. And sure, they might land a deal or two. But over time, their results drop. Why? Because they’re not building relationships, they’re bulldozing them.
Clients don’t want to be pressured. They want to be heard. When you push too hard, you create resistance. But when you approach with emotional intelligence, you earn trust, and trust turns into loyalty, referrals, and repeat business.
In my early days knocking doors, I learned that if I could make someone feel comfortable and understood, I had a much better chance at success. When I stopped trying to dominate the conversation and started really listening, everything changed.
How EQ Makes You a Better Salesperson
Here’s how emotional intelligence makes a real difference in sales:
1. You Listen More, Talk Less
High-EQ salespeople know that listening is key. When you listen, you learn what your customer actually needs. You hear their concerns, goals, and objections—and you can respond in a way that feels supportive, not pushy.
I’ve closed more deals by asking the right questions and simply listening than by delivering any fancy pitch. Listening builds rapport and credibility, and it makes people want to do business with you.
2. You Handle Rejection Better
Rejection is part of sales, period. Aggressive salespeople often take rejection personally, get defensive, or try to argue their way to a “yes.” That only makes things worse.
With emotional intelligence, you see rejection for what it is—a chance to learn, improve, and move on. You stay calm, respectful, and professional. That kind of maturity leaves a good impression, and sometimes, a “no” today turns into a “yes” down the road.
3. You Build Stronger Relationships
Sales is about people. And people do business with those they trust. When you’re emotionally intelligent, you show up with integrity, empathy, and care. You make your clients feel valued—not just as buyers, but as people.
This kind of relationship-building doesn’t just lead to one sale—it leads to a network of clients who trust you, recommend you, and want to work with you long-term.
4. You Stay Calm Under Pressure
Sales can be stressful. Targets, quotas, and competition can wear you down. High EQ helps you manage stress, stay focused, and perform well even under pressure.
I’ve had deals fall apart at the last minute. I’ve had tough clients and long dry spells. But because I’ve worked on my mindset and self-awareness, I’ve been able to stay steady and keep showing up strong. That resilience matters.
EQ Can Be Developed
The best part? Emotional intelligence isn’t something you’re just born with—it’s a skill you can build. Here’s how I work on mine:
- Reflect daily. I ask myself what went well, what didn’t, and how I can improve.
- Get feedback. I ask clients and team members how I come across—and I listen with an open mind.
- Practice empathy. I try to put myself in others’ shoes and understand their point of view.
- Stay grounded. I manage stress with exercise, family time, and faith, which helps me stay calm and positive.
Final Thoughts: Lead with EQ, Win with Trust
If I could give one piece of advice to anyone in sales or business, it’s this: emotional intelligence will take you further than aggression ever could.
Aggression might get attention, but EQ builds trust. And in the long run, trust is what drives success. People remember how you made them feel—and if they feel respected, understood, and valued, they’ll want to work with you.
Sales isn’t about overpowering someone into a deal. It’s about guiding them to a solution that works—and doing it with heart, awareness, and care. That’s the kind of selling I believe in, and it’s the kind I’ll keep practicing every day.
Let’s hustle smarter, and with more heart.